We have just returned from almost 2 weeks on Maui.  This was a mostly gifted trip, the result of problems coming up with a house we are moving into. 

My homes have always waited for me.  I trust that.  I write down what I am looking for.  I imagine it; I see myself living in the space and loving it.  I feel it.  Yet I know what I find will not be exactly what I imagine.  My imagination informs Creation what I want.  Creation also knows what I need…not only in terms of the home but in terms of the process.

My sweetheart and I are moving in together.  While this is good, it has engendered some anxiety, conern, and stress.  Our process of finding our home, and the process the house itself had to go through to be ready for us, has perfectly reflected our needs and our vision for our relationship. 

The whole thing started when my landlady told me she might want to rent my apartment to a friend.  “OK,” I said.  So my sweetie and I started talking.  We decided it felt good, the idea of living together, even though we had anticipated another year before we would do this.  We decided to sit with it, feel it, see how it evolved.  We had some time. 

Three nights later we were at dinner with new friends.  Admiring their house, we were told, “It’s a rental.  We think we found a place to buy.”  We jumped at it.  And we were 98% sure we had it after we met the landlord.  A week later, a call told us his best friend’s marriage was ending and he wanted the house.  Gone. 

Wow!  Regroup.  Keep looking.  Two weeks, three weeks, we found a place my sweetie thought perfect.  It didn’t feel right to me.  The layout and location were great, but the house itself felt bad to me…like bad ju-ju in there.  I just could not accept it.  Everything in me said “No!” even as my brain told me all that was good about it.  We passed on it.  Blessings on my sweetheart that he accepted my “no” with grace, that he trusted my gut feelings without needing to feel the same himself.

A few days later, we learned that the ad we had responded to, leading us to the house with bad ju-ju, was actually for another house…just four doors from the first.  We ran to see.  It was perfect.  It felt good, was even better in several key areas.  It had a funky smell, which the landlord assured us would be gone once the carpets were shampooed.  We signed. 

Carpets cleaned.  Smell worse…much worse.  We aired the house for two weeks.  We had time before move in.  No help.  Landlord, gone home to California by then, agreed without hesitation to have the carpets redone.  Carpet guy brings black light.  OMG!!!  Cat pee everywhere…down the walls, all over the carpets, down the vents.  He tries his best.  Four days after, bad small as bad as ever.  Carpet guy comes back and declares carpets are toast.  Landlord, my Heaven bless him, doesn’t hesitate.  He agrees to replace all of them and have the vents overhauled.

But we couldn’t move in.  Well into our paid tenancy, with notice given at our old places, we had no where to go.  Our landlord says “I have a condo on Maui that’s empty, get yourselves there and it’s yours; we’ll trade straight across for rent days I owe you.” 

Now, I turned 50 on September 7th.  When I turned 40, I did a piano concert for my friends and family.  I wanted to do something equally specially — but with less work  —  in a beautiful place.  The past few months have been so full, I had not been able to create a plan and a place.  So I had let go of that idea. 

Creation, the Universe, G-d, G-ddess, Life…had not let go of my clear vision…

I spent my 50th birthday on Maui with my beloved and one of my best friends (who flew over from the Big Island.)  I swam in Maui’s sacred pools; I swam in the ocean: I snorkled with magnificent fish and coral; I watched local families play, truly play, in the water; I saw traditional hula performed; I watched and envied surfers (next time!)  We rested, read books on the beach, slept to the crash of the waves and the songs of the winds.  It was truly paradise.

I came home, with my beloved, to a beautiful house…and to a wonderful new person awaiting a session with Our Friends.  A blessing to be sharing them again, as they nourish and beautify my life and soul.

So here’s my musing.  I believe in Creation, and while I have never had a lot of money, I have always been provided for and blessed.  I believe in trusting that whatever is happening, there is some kind of blessing in it.  I went through this house and home search with that belief.   (I’ve actually left a lot out…it was a very interesting process!)  In the end, this great good gift dropped in my lap.

I have learned trust does not mean I should be passive or not choose clearly for myself.  I have to vision what I want and then work toward it in action.  I also have to surrender to the process and know that Creation knows better than I what I really need for the growth I have most deeply requested, for the evolution of my soul.   It is still up to me to say “no” and say “yes” and to act.  But by going on faith in the midst of all that, I am often blessed in unexpected and wonderful ways.

We came home to a house that has been made as new as possible for us, a place the old shmutz has been cleansed, just as we are working in our relationship to clean up our old shmutz and make this relationship new, bring our best and growing selves to it to create the relationship we have each dreamed, visioned and felt.  We keep holding the feeling and the vision, and we keep working through what comes up to be cleansed.  In the process, we are creating a  home for ourselves with each other that is like-new, and feels — as this house now does — like a blessing and a gift.  We feel at home here…and we feel more at home with each other living together. 

Such a gift!  Such a blessing!    Aloha & Mahalo,  Stephanie

The ocean from within a lava tube...north shore of Maui...created when trapped gas within molten lava escapes as the lava cools...very cool!

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