July 2007

Our Friends shared that my highest priority in fulfilling my life and dreams is living true to my needs and energy.  Just that.  It lies in making the needs of my soul the priority of my daily life. 

They had me go through the list I made for next week and put stars by those things that sustain my embodied-soul life as a whole.  Then they had me go through the list again and highlight only those things that support my soul’s nourishment.  The un-stared list becomes lowest priority, to be done only after the others are attended to.  There are a number of things on this lowest priority list that I was thinking I’d get done first thing Monday. 

I often do this…place my needs and goals behind the desires others have of me, and so I often end up without energy or time for my own dreams and goals.  Our Friends are very clear that I cannot go in two directions at once.  I have to choose, as difficult as that is for me.  They will help me with it.  I know being with and sharing Our Friends, my art, my writing is what nourishes and sustains me in life.  Without it life goes flat and tiring, hardly worth living.  To live, I have to fulfill my dreams.

They talked about the effort this will be for me…to put myself first, my needs, my dreams.  We have been working on this consistently for awhile. Certainly they have been talking to me about this for years.  But now they let me feel that this will be work of the same order as working on my marriage and myself in other profound ways.  It will feel thick and difficult for awhile, and it will bring up feelings and struggle for me.  I could feel the thickness of the energy, though it also looked clear, which is good.  They said it will be confusing, because sifting through my own tangled places is disorienting.  Yet I will get good at it; they say it is what I am good at.